Drop the Mask
I’m a Cancer Mom. My toddler had Embryonal Rhabdomyosarcoma and, 6 years after treatment and in remission, we’re still dealing with the aftermath. In my circles, are parents of children newly diagnosed with illnesses. It’s not easy. No one teaches us how to handle the overwhelming emotions that come with seeing your child’s life stripped away. I write … so I wrote my way through it. But for some, there is no outlet, no way to deal with the emotions but to bleed all over the rest of us. In my circles, are people who have been through some thangs. No one teaches us how to handle the overwhelming emotions that come with trauma and stress. My seminary had an excellent professor of pastoral care who said, “go to therapy” and insisted the seminary provide the resources for students to do so. For some, therapy is stigmatized or unaffordable, or otherwise outside of the realm of possibilities. They have no choice but to bleed all over the rest of us.
So I wrote this. Feel. The. Feelings. It’s an act of faith. Drop the mask.
Woman holding smiling mask.
Please allow yourself to feel and stop hiding from your feelings and calling it holiness.
Faith does not preclude emotions. You can believe God provides and still be anxious (and have whole anxiety disorders, which are treatable medical conditions). You can believe God is a healer and still be afraid for your child's life. You can believe God is present with you and for you and still be angry at how the people around you treat you. You can believe God ... and still feel.
"Count it all joy" has never meant that there is no mourning, no grieving, no crying out to the Lord. "Content in all things" shouldn't be interpreted to mean that you hide your pain, your fear, your angst, your tears, your dis-ease behind a façade of righteousness.
It is human to feel. Humans have feelings, emotions, pathos. To refuse to feel, to cover your feelings with veneers and pretend they aren't there, is to attempt to be something other than human. It is to attempt to be something other than what God created. It is to attempt to remake yourself into something less than what you already are. It is, thus, idolatry to refuse to acknowledge the truth of your emotions.
And, frankly, it makes you difficult to be around. Feelings seep from pores like funk. You know they're there. And the folk around you know they're there too. Pretending you don't smell yourself don't make you stink less. Pretending you ain't hurt don't make the pain go away. Pretending you ain't scared don't make life easier to handle.
And. pretending. is. not. faithfulness.
How can God carry a burden for you that you won't admit you have?
How can God ease a pain that you won't acknowledge is there?
How can God be *for* you if you refuse to admit that you need God?
And it's not that God is limited. Pretense prevents the person from perceiving the presence of the Divine. Holding on to the façade of feeling-lessness as an act of faith diverts the focus from the power of God to handle the emotion onto the human ability to cover it up. It is, thus, idolatry to wear a mask of holiness when you're hurting, righteousness when you're angry, and faithfulness when you're fearful.
God can and will handle your emotions - even those directed at God - with grace and love. It is an act of faith to be honest with yourself and with God about what you're feeling. It is faithless to fake it.
It does nothing for your neighbor, either, to pretend that your holiness, your righteousness, your sanctification is a function of your own power and not a result of God's grace.
So feel ya feelings. Acknowledge them ... even the ones that folk say are negative. Cause some of y'all walking around here emotionally funky and acting like you don't smell. We smell you. Bathe in the waters of honesty and give us a break, please.
